


Feels Like Home

by IgnisGalaxia



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-06-24 07:20:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19718881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IgnisGalaxia/pseuds/IgnisGalaxia
Summary: Voyager's finally home, but Kathryn's feeling blue. Does she have the courage to finally tell Chakotay how she feels?For the J/C Photo Prompt Challenge. Based on photo #22





	Feels Like Home

On the top step of her ready room, Kathryn stared out her window at the unbelievable sight before her. The blue marble that was Earth, that which she had worked so long and so hard to reach, that which she had sacrificed everything for, was now finally before her, and she could hardly believe it. Voyager remained in orbit around the planet as the crew prepared for their arrival. 

She felt if she reached out, it would disappear. Her hand moved of its own accord, reaching for the planet and all that it stood for. 

The door chime startled her from her thoughts, and her hand dropped back to her side. She sighed before admitting her guest. “Come in.” 

She knew who it was without even turning around. She could always sense his presence, something she had learned over the years. 

She heard the doors whoosh shut behind him. “Am I interrupting?” 

Blowing out a breath, she replied, “Not at all. Just taking in the view.” 

She heard the smile in his voice despite her back being to him. “Quite amazing, isn’t it? After everything we’ve been through, you can be sure I’ll never take it for granted again.” 

In a lowered voice, she admitted, “There’s a lot we shouldn’t take for granted.” 

His brow furrowed in confusion. He stepped up to her level, stopping beside her. “Are you alright, Kathryn?” 

Her eyes remained focused on the rotating planet. “After all these years, you’d think coming home would be the most wonderful, fulfilling experience. And yet, it feels like a hollow victory.” 

He looked almost baffled by her words. “But it is a victory, _your_ victory. You did it, you finally got us home.” He studied her profile, trying to decipher what was running through her head. “I know you well enough to know when something’s bothering you. What is it, Kathryn?” 

She stayed silent for several moments, unsure whether to voice her feelings. Eventually, she found something to say. “It’s just… there are so many things I’m uncertain about.” 

“I can understand that. A lot of the crew’s futures are in a weird place, especially the Maquis. But you’ll have plenty of time to settle those matters.” 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

The sudden aggression behind her voice silenced him. He looked at her with concern, trying to figure out what had her so worked up. 

Finally, she turned to him, “You once promised that you would always stay by my side. You don’t know how much I’ve held onto the promise. You’ve supported me, even in my darkest hours, and I’ll always be grateful to you for that. But…” 

She hesitated, afraid that once her feelings were out there, she could never take them back. She turned away again, hoping he wouldn’t see the turmoil on her face. 

“All these years, I’d hoped that getting home would finally allow us to be… more than friends.” 

Suddenly, surprise spread across his face. When she briefly turned to see his reaction, she felt her heart sink in her chest. 

Words came tumbling out of her. “I understand if you don’t feel the same. After years of waiting, I’m sure you’ve moved on. I just hope that we can still be part of each other’s lives. Now that we’re home, I don’t want to lose you.” In a lowered voice, she admitted, “I don’t want to be alone.” 

He regarded her with a tender expression, finally understanding. He stepped forward, reaching out and placing his hand on her shoulder. “You’re not alone, Kathryn. I’ll always be here for you. Just because we’re home doesn’t mean I’ll abandon you.” 

“But-” He surprised her by moving in front of her and grasping her shoulders. Her eyes were forced to meet his. 

“All I’ve ever hoped for is the chance for us to be together. I understood the boundaries you set for us, even agreed with some. I would’ve waited as long as you needed. You are the most important person to me, Kathryn, and I’d be a fool to let you walk out on my life.” 

She searched his face for the truth in his words, and found it. Her expression softened as she breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Oh Chakotay, I thought I’d lost you.” 

He smiled tenderly. “You’ll always have me. That will never change.” 

She smiled for the first time in what felt like forever. Suddenly his hands on her shoulders were pulling her to him. His arms wrapped around her in what she realized was their first hug. Her hands reached to grasp him from behind, returning the embrace. 

His voice soothed her. “You don’t need to worry. Everything will work out. We have each other. That’s all that matters.” 

She closed her eyes and buried her head in his chest, relishing in the closeness that had been denied for so long. The warmth of his embrace seeped through her, making her feel safe and cherished. Truly, it felt like home. 

After a precious moment, Kathryn shifted, the expression on her face changing. 

“Computer, end program.” 

With that, him and the room around her faded away to reveal the cold empty grid of the holodeck. Kathryn wrapped her arms around herself. The absence of Chakotay’s arms left her exposed to the chill of the room. She allowed herself a moment of grief, heaving a shaky sigh. 

Another day, another failure at getting home. She’s lost count of how many times they’d had home dangled in front of them only to have it snatched away. After yet another disappointment, she’d needed an escape, someplace to be alone and grieve. More importantly, she needed to be reminded that home was still within reach. With each failure, her faith wavered. She couldn’t allow herself to succumb to the odds stacked against them. 

She would’ve gone to her quarters, where she usually retreated to be alone with her thoughts, but she knew that Chakotay would’ve been on her tail and pushed her to talk. He had a way of breaking though her shields and dragging out her true feelings. She couldn’t face him yet, the pain still too fresh. 

With each possibility of getting home, Kathryn had allowed herself to think about their relationship and moving them beyond where she had placed them. This time was no different, but it seemed especially gut-wrenching to have to draw the line once again. 

She hated having to keep him at arm's length, and she knew how much it hurt him to deny them what they both wanted. She’d give anything to feel his arms wrapped around her, to embrace the love he held for her. But she couldn’t. To do so would crumble her resolve, and now more than ever she needed to focus on their goal. She had to be strong, and if that meant sacrificing her one chance at happiness, so be it. 

But oh, how she wishes things were different. How she wished they had met in another place, another time. Then she might be able to give him the love he deserves. But for now, she would have to live with maintaining the parameters she set for them. Above all else, she had to get them home. 

She had to hold onto what little hope she had left. 

Composing herself, she took one last look around her before turning and exiting the holodeck. It wouldn’t do good if the crew saw their captain wallowing.

**Author's Note:**

> Surprise! It was all a program! This is actually my first published fanfic, so go easy on me. I accidentally procrastinated the hell out of this fic to get it finished in time. I originally planned to start it last month, but then I got really sick and depressed so it's not as great as I would've liked it to be. muldy actually wrote a fic a year ago based on the same picture, so I tried to think of how I could make mine different. My solution: add more angst (lol). Hope you enjoyed! Feel free to leave a comment on what you liked and what I could improve on :)


End file.
